Thursday, December 28, 2006

A Bit Philosophical of Late

It has been a somewhat difficult year for me. Along with the passing of my son in September of 2005, a nephew of mine shot himself in the head and died three days later in June, and my father-in-law passed away due to cancer in October. I am willing to believe that these things happen in threes thus ending this year of death and dying. My spirit, while always a bit on the calm, quiet, thinking side, has been even more withdrawn. I spend a lot of time alone just musing and dreaming. You know, the same old questions of: Why am I here? How did I happen to arrive at my present circumstances? What changes should (or need) be made in my life? When I have left this world, what will I leave ā€“ how will I be remembered? Thinking takes a lot of time. I still do not have all the answers and know I will continue to poor over these loaded questions, but I do know I want to leave an impression on the world in some way. I want my life to have meaning to those who come in the future. How I will do this still remains to be seen. But I do know the following:

I need to be more vocal, or outspoken, to the world in general. I keep things bottled up inside ā€“ that is just my way. But if I want people to hear my beliefs, my thoughts, I need to voice them, either in person through conversations, or in writing. Iā€™m not a born writer; it is something I have to work at. But I enjoy the ends if not the means. I plan to write more in my personal journals, write some of the poetry and stories stored in my head, write essays of my political and religious views, and write more letters to those I love.

Writing more in my blog will also get my thoughts out there a bit. My life is not exciting, but more quiet and solitary. Because of that, I tell myself I have nothing to write about. I need to realize the falsity of that statement. I can contribute by just expressing the ordinary, as even that can be extraordinary to others.

My first resolution of the year 2007 is to share more of my thoughts and ideas with the world. Perhaps I can help one person who is suffering the loss of a loved one, one person who is questioning life, or one person who has lost hope. If I can touch but one, perhaps I will have left an imprint on the world.